The Big Yellow Bubble!

When you are ready to have your first child, you are filled with anticipation, trepedation, and feelings of inadequacy. I remember feeling at 23, I couldn't wait to meet her, but was still just a child myself. How could I be 'Mom'? Did I have the wisdom and the insight to make a...person? Well, ready or not this kid was coming so I guess I better just figure it out, right? These were the feelings I had as I was living in my little basement apartment in NJ. I didn't have a house to bring her home to, but was scheduled for a C section, as Amanda was to stubborn to turn and decided she wanted to come feet first instead of head first. I tell her all the time that she wanted to dance her way into the world. So, When she decided to come the day before she was scheduled, I thought, oh no, I can't do this. But Then, as they hand this perfect little person to me, a complete stranger, but one that you would do anything for; sacrifice anything just to protect them, you wonder what it was you were so afraid of? This is what my purpose is: To protect this little person that's mine; to keep this little person safe and comfortable and happy. To help all her dreams come true.

Immediate, pure love!

But then life comes in and sort of steals the moment. You soon realize that you can't protect them from everything. There is going to be pain, there is heartache, and that little bubble you so desperately want to keep inflated around them starts to deflate. The Dr. tells you, "Sorry, but she has a displaced hip and will need to be in a harness for at least the 1st 4 months of life." What? My perfect baby? They get their first fever. They have to stay in the hospital for the first time, and the Dr's have to take them away to do a spinal tap. What? You're thinking. You're going to stick a needle into my tiny babies SPINE? You think, let's see how much you like it! All you want to do is grab your baby and run, but instead you stand outside the door and wait, trying to have faith that someone knows what they are doing and it will all turn out fine... And it does.

Then the first day of school comes. You hope you have taught them what they need to know. You hope the kids will be nice to them and that you've done everything you can. So you send them out into the world, with a back pack, some crayons, and a lunch box as an arsenal of protection. Now THEY seem so inadaquate. You let them leave your bubble and put them into a big yellow bubble on wheels. It's a lot harder than it looks with your first kid. But you know you have to look like it's ok so they'll think it's ok. You come in and have your cry, and wait with a lonely heart till they come home. You resist the urge to call the school, to make sure that they got off and went into the right place. (I got off on the wrong stop once, so I know it can happen)

You soon recall that the yellow bubble is a place of unserpervion, and mayhem. Your little bubble of protection is very different than the other bubble. You realize that the yellow bubble is filled with crude words, crass gestures, and people that will be your best friend one day and then stab you in the back the next. Oh yeah! That's life! Haha! Outside your bubble. You hope your kids will make the right choices. More importantly, you hope that you can help them if they make the wrong choice. You hope they will listen to you, and fear that they won't. You hope you can handle it with wisdom when they don't listen and make a mistake because they most certainly will. You hope that you can help them avoid some of your own pitfalls, and help them handle problems with more dignity than you did yourself. You remember your own parents and suddenly become so greatfull for their wisdom, and wish you had listened to them more before. Your siblings who drove you nuts as a child become your best friends, and water for your soul. No one knows you better, and no one can think like you and know your heart so perfectly.

So Maybe this new Bubble isn't so bad. Just maybe, if you taught them well, they will be able to create their own bubble; One that will protect themselves.

There ARE wonderful, amazing people out there, ready and willing to pass on their knowledge and gifts . It IS A Wonderful World (click here to see), and if the bubble bursts for a moment and they get hurt, they will get up, dust themselves off and keep going just like you have. And you can be there waiting in the wings for them when they need your help.