Saturday, October 8, 2011

Downer Disclaimer!

So today is a beautiful day outside. We haven't had many of those this Autumn. Today is also one the first Saturdays that I haven't had to take my girls to dance rehearsal. I'm kind of, I'm really sad. I decided recently that Dance was just taking over our lives. My girls couldn't do ANYTHING else, including church or even homework. When I saw on the new season calendar that there would be quite a few Sundays away, I decided it was just to much. My girls are enjoying their first Saturday of freedom, and I'm glad they are able to be enjoying this beautiful autumn day. I should be feeling happy to have this new found freedom to not have to run them everywhere and have them cooped up in a dance studio all day, but really I'm just feeling totally depressed.

I guess I just don't deal well with change and it was a huge part of our lives so I'm having a difficult time letting it go. I know I've upset people at the school; people I really care about and anyone who knows me knows that I HATE THAT! Making people unhappy, disapointing them or displeasing them. All decisions I make are based on who I will or will not dissapoint. But sometimes, most times, you have to dissapoint someone to not dissapoint others, or yourself.

The girls will still be dancing, just no opportunities to perform except for the recital (which is of course on a Sunday. That's one reason why I picked this school 10 years ago (Sat. recitals), but now it's changed...and I'm annoyed! That and teachers I loved being an influence on my kids have left. Why does life have to be filled with conflict and change? Why do we have to make decisions for our kids and then worry after if it was the best for them? This should be clear to me! We chose Church over dance, so why does it seem so unclear right now?

This Sucks!

I'm sure I'll only be sad for a little while and then I will get used to not being somewhere I love and it will pass. But right now I'm just feeling yucky inside.